Ass and Titties

Melody – Head, Shoulders, Knees, & Toes

Head, shoulders, knees, and…
Ass and titties, ass, ass and titties!
Ass and titties, ass, ass and titties!

Notes: The first line is sung like the children’s song, the second line is sung like a bad rap song. You’re encouraged to touch the body part as it is being mentioned. Feel free to add other sexual body parts as necessary

Chicago

Melody – The Bear Went over the Mountain

CHORUS:
I used to work in Chicago,
In a department store,
I used to work in Chicago,
I don’t work there any more.

SAMPLE VERSE:
A lady came in for some carpet, (Some carpet from the store?)
Carpet she wanted, 
Shagged she got!
I don’t work there any more.

OPTIONAL VERSES:

• A lady came in for some nails,
  Nails she wanted, 
  Screwed she got!
• A man came in for a balloon,
  A balloon he wanted,
  Blown he got!
• A man came in for a lollipop,
  A sucker he wanted,
  Sucked off he got!
• A lady came in for drain cleaner,
  Drano she wanted,
  Clean pipes she got!
• A lady came in for a pony,
  A horse she wanted,
  Ridden she got!
• A man came in for some wheels, (Some wheels from the store)
  Wheels he wanted, Rimmed he got,
  I don’t work there any more.
• A woman came in for a doughnut,
  Glazed she wanted,
  Creme-filled she got!
• A lady came in for a throw rug,
  Rug she wanted,
  Rug-burned she got!
• A lady came in for a felt hat,
  A felt hat she wanted,
  Felt up she got!
• A woman came in for a brass tub,
  A brass tub she wanted,
  A golden shower she got!

Dough, Ray, Me

Dough, the stuff, that buys me beer,
Ray, the guy who serves me beer,
Me, the guy, who drinks the beer,
Fa, a long long way for beer
So, I’ll have another beer,
La, la la la la la la
Tea, no thanks I’ll have a beer
And that brings us back to,
Down down down down…

El Camino

Notes: The chorus is sung followed by the first verse to start the song. The chorus is then repeated between each of the verses.

Melody – Itself

CHORUS
El Camino, El-el Camino,
El Camino, El-el Camino,

Well the front is like a car,
And the back is like a truck,
The front is where you drive,
And the back is where you… (chorus)

ADDITIONAL VERSES:

• You can drive to the brothel,
  You can drive it to the store,
  The front you fill with groceries,
  The back you fill with… (chorus)
• Well the front is where you fuck,
  And the back is where you fuck,
  The front is where you fuck,
  And the back is where you… (chorus)
• The back rides high,
  And the front rides low,
  I’ll give you a free ride,
  If you give me a… (chorus)
• You can pay with weed,
  Or you can pay with gas,
  If you don’t have either,
  Then you can pay with… (chorus)
• You can take out classy ladies,
  You can take out dirty sluts,
  In the front you kiss them softly,
  In the back you do their… (chorus)
• You can drive an automatic,
  Or you can drive a stick,
  Doesn’t matter how you drive it,
  Cause you’ll still suck my… (chorus)

Hot Vagina

Melody – The Eyes of Texas Are Upon You

Hot vagina for your breakfast,
Hot vagina for your lunch,
Hot vagina for your dinner,
It’s munch, munch, munch, munch, munch.

It’s so tasty and nutritious,
Bite-size and ready to eat,
So take a tip, go eat some clit;
Hot vagina can’t be beat.

Shitty Trail

Melody – The Mickey Mouse Club

S-H-I, T-T-Y,
T-R-A-I-L,
Shitty trail, (It sucked!)
Shitty trail, (It blew!)
I’d rather drink a bucket of warm fucking vomit,
Than run your shitty trail,
S-H-I, T-T-Y,
T-R-A-I-L.

She Likes It In The Kitchen

Melody – Itself

She likes it in the kitchen,
She likes it in the kitchen,
She likes it in the kitchen,
And kitchens’ code for butt!

Whip It Out at the Ball Game

Melody – Take Me Out to the Ball Game

Whip it out at the ball game,
Wave it round at the crowd,
Dip it in peanuts and Crackerjack,
I don’t care if you give it a whack,
Because it’s –
Beat your meat at the ball game,
If you don’t cum it’s a shame,
‘Cause it’s one, two,
You’re covered in goo,
At the old ball game!

Who’s got Weiner Breath?

Melody – Gansta Rap

Who’s got weiner breath?
You’ve got weiner breath!

Cause you’ve been
Suckin that ding-a-ling
(Ding-a-ling-ling)
Suckin that ding-a-ling
(Ding-a-ling-ling)
Suckin that knob, like it’s corn on the cob
Suckin that ding-ling
(Ding-a-ling-ling)

Who’s got Pussy Breath?

Melody – Gansta Rap

Who’s got pussy breath?
You’ve got pussy breath!

Cause you’ve been
Doin that cunn-a-ling
(Cunn-a-ling-ling)
Doin that cunn-a-ling
(Cunn-a-ling-ling)
Lickin that clam, like it’s raspberry jam
Doin that cunn-a-ling
(Cunn-a-ling-ling)

Why are we Waiting?

Melody – Come Let Us Adore Him

Why are we waiting?
We could be fornicating,
Oh, why are we waiting,
So fucking long.

Variants: “We could be fornicating” can be replaced with “Grandma’s fornicating”. The word “fornicating” can be replaced with just about any dirty word ending in “-ating” such as “masturbating,” “ovulating,” “dictating,” etc.

International Hash Hymn

Melody – Swing Low, Sweet Chariot

Swing low, sweet chariot,
Coming forth to carry me home,
Swing low, sweet chariot,
Coming forth to carry me home.

I looked over Jordan, and what did I see,
Coming forth the carry me home,
A band of angels coming after me,
Coming for to carry me home.

If you get there before I do,
Coming forth to carry me home,
Tell all my friends that I’ll be coming too,
Coming forth to carry me home.

Variations: Variations of the chorus are sung after the song is completed:

• EZ on the Ass Version – everything after the first line is replaced with “Fuck this is bullshit, I’m going home!”
• Hum It!
• Men’s Version – sung in a deep voice with all the words after “coming” replaced with snoring
• Munchkin Version – sung as if you’re in the Wizard of Oz
• Scooby-Doo Version – sung in a Scooby-Doo voice
• Tongues out, double time!
• Tourettes – after the first line member break into random curses
• Women’s Version – sung in a high voice with the word “coming” repeated over and over again